Monday, February 25, 2008

Career Advice



Well it is late at night and I am working on my applications for law school, which like a fat nerd on eharmony, will surely be sent to the rejection pile. It is somewhat depressing doing all of this work for an eventual rejection, because it really doesn't mean anything. My LSAT score basically disqualifies me from even being spit on by these admissions committees. Well anyway while I sulk, I have been thinking of possible careers that someone with a BA and an MA in Criminal Justice can do. Firstly, I think trucking can be a career for me. I like to travel, I like big trucks, and I like drugs... wait I don't like drugs. Well never the less, hauling a big ass 18 wheeler around can be a decent job. I have also thought of breaking into the high tech world of plumbing. Talk about a good paying profession. People will give you a blank fucking check to make sure their house isn't flooded with their own shit, and hence create their own pile of meaningless excrement. I have also thought of being a swindler. I can talk jive as good as the next guy, and well thats almost like becoming a lawyer. This is a lesson to those wanting to go to college, become a marketing major. Go out there and sell product, convince clients of your workflow skills, be a good company man/woman/disembodied voice, be a go getter. It is scary to think that my options are either to take a risk on some crazy idea, or play it safe and become a cog in some wheel. There really isn't any meeting point between the two. With great risk comes great reward, playing it safe will get you a decent apartment and a Toyota Corolla. Not that I wouldn't want a decent apartment and a Toyota Corolla, but... I don't know yet.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

I am a sheep



Here is a blurry pic of the Foo Fighters moving to their acoustic stage which was near my seat from last night. Looking at the pic I just realized how much of a sheep I am, notice all the other sheeps with their digital cameras and cellphones taking similar blurry pictures. Oy vey

John Jay College Engineering Department







Above are some pictures courtesy of Mike Pino, as he carved his path to destruction with his mod of the easy button. Spectacular job man, my hats off to you

Evil button update

This post is dedicated to old Mikey Pine and praise him for gettin' it done. Today he brought in a freshly modded easy button with a button on it that allows you record anything and be played back on the device. Pictures and links to the mod job to follow, but from he told he spent about 4 hours on it soldering in a new chip into the device and throwing in a whole bunch of components in. We played with this thing for at least 3 hours, and giggled like squeeky mice and school girls

Worst Street Fight... Ever




So last night I was on my way to Stout after the Foo Fighters show. Firstly, that was one amazing show, one of the better ones I've been to. Anyway it was there that I saw the lamest street fight in the history of street fights. So I Anna and I stop in the middle of the sidewalk and just start commentating on these two lame bastards. One of them is on the top of a driveway and the other on the bottom, and the guy on the top of it was so short that he was barely eye to eye with the guy at the bottom of the driveway. So they are aruging and then the short guy gave the tall guy a backhand slap. The tall guy, stunned by how much of a bitch move that way looked at him and said what the fuck? Then he starts walking backwards and saying don't hold me back! I then realized that I saw the lamest street fight in history... the end

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Cards are ready!




Today I took one step forward into domination of my market "space". Here is a sample of my new business card. I will make these available to those interested in creating partnerships and joint ventures. I will soon be posting testimonials by loyal Banana Boy Productions end users. Soon thereafter I will be off to the Interactive conference at SXSW to sell my wares.

Monday, February 18, 2008

My Mission Statement to Investors



I am writing this entry as a mission statement to my investment team. They have worked hard to keep my revenue flow streaming and have brought in vast amounts of VC. Now a primer for my company.

Banana Boy Productions is an ever expanding mass media conglomerate that both creates content and delivers it to end users. We are an interactive service which fills a growing segment in the web 2.0 market place, with high ambitions for growth into many other segments. We are more than just a company, we are a lifestyle brand, which is ready to be exploited throughout several mediums. We have not yet reached capacity, and we have a large amount of cash on hand. Our position as a private LLC allows us to create a new vision for internet entertainment ventures, as well as provides a blueprint for the future. The Banana Boy Production staff is young and hungry to meet our number 1 goal: synergy. A synergy between brands, markets, mediums, and a minset on solutions. Both in the business to business and peer to peer niche we plan on creating solutions which will optimize efficiency and capitalize on growth. Our outlook is bullish, our yields are strong, our dividends will be vast. The future is bright, the bubble has not burst, our innovations are future proof, our eyes are on the prize.

If you are interested in becoming an investor in Banana Boy Productions, please email us for a prospectus so you can weigh your investing options and select the commitment that is right for you.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Random Weekend Excrement



Ok well I have decided to have a semi regular entry called random excrement. To fully embody this notion I searched for random shit, and randomly selected a photograph for this entry. Don't expect this type of entry to appear weekly, monthly, or on any type of schedule, that is because it is random god damnit. If you did not understand that to begin with, well it is time that you stop reading, roll yourself into a ball and hope the jesus loves you... which I doubt. I am fired up on 3 rotors, yes ladies and gentlemen I switched that metaphor from the piston model for combustion engines to the Wankel. Ok here are the topics for random excrement today:

--I am a sophisticated Redneck

--Assholegate

--Neocons are Pussies

--A Eulogy for HD-DVD

Let me start with the more political portion of this entry. As i stated in my initial post, I will comment on politics from time to time. Those who know me, will know that i am a rabid liberal who foams at the mouth when conservatives lob ad hominem insults at people like myself, or for that matter throw a fallacy out there and say it enough times that it becomes facts. Well I have had enough of the Karl Rove's of the world, who try to pump up their criminal bosses as patriots. What I say to them? Well simply put Neocons are Pussies. I am sick of hearing these phonies say how liberals hate America, aren't patriots, or any of the other words that "fire up the base", well you're pussies deal with it. You run around like chicken little screaming that the terrorists are coming. If we don't get them there they will follow us home... what are they lost fucking puppies? Lets bomb Iraq which is in the middle of a civil war, and then send in troops... of course not our kids though. As Bill Maher said the other night, it is time for Mitt Romney's whitebread sons to suit up and go into the green zone. Put your money where your mouth is. The conservatives are also so scared that people are communicating with each other, that we need to secretly wiretap everybody without any kind of warrant. Look at any damn white paper on data mining and it will tell you that you won't get any good intelligence off of doing that, but these chicken hawks don't care.

While we are on the subject of criminal enterprises, lets discuss the Bush administration for a moment. I can't even start on all of the scandals and moves that have sold out this nation lock stock and barrel. I will comment on what has really frustrated me. With the proliferation of scandals, I have had to put up with hearing spy-gate, leak-gate, and every other imaginable noun plus gate combination. I get it, Watergate... haha now it is the time to shut this down. Every media type who continues this tradition will now be a part of a new scandal called assholegate. This mass conspiracy of assholes has to be covered in a 24 hour a day news "cycle". Pundits will have to both support assholes, and bury assholes. Please lets retire this euphemism before I run head first through an iron gate.

Now that I have completely buried my future aspirations for public office with this tirade, let me discuss how I am a sophisticated redneck. I admit it, I like eating cracker barrel, I think professional wrestling is America's greatest contribution to theater, and I am watching Nascar right now... but in HD (see sophisticated). Now that the race just finished, lets congratulate Rocket Ryan Newman on his win. Ok well it just demonstrates that stereotypes are just stereotypes. I think a lot of the exploitative stuff done in professional wrestling is low brow and below the level, but I think there have been guys like Paul Heyman who have brought real drama to the medium. Some of the stuff done in the mid 90's grossed millions of dollars for promoters and entertained millions as well. Auto racing is another misunderstood medium. There are so many different disciplines of auto racing, that all get lumped into the ball of Nascar. Sure I watch Nascar, I just watched their biggest race along with 10 million other Americans, but its not the only game in town. There is road racing, dirt racing, rally racing, motorcyles, just about anything you can imagine, and for me there is real excitement in that. Hemingway once said that their are only three true sports, bull fighting, mountain climbing, and auto racing... maybe he had a point. Man versus Man, Man versus Machine, Man versus concrete wall, now thats competition.

Finally lets remember HD-DVD (2006-2008). HD-DVD, you were the bastard child of Toshiba, Microsoft, Dreamworks, Paramount, and others. You were technically inferior Blu-Ray, but you were a scrapper with heart. You were released with more titles, you were less expensive, and you took the early lead in the format war. You were killed in cold blood by Sony and the Blu-Ray people, who hired the studios to take you out back and shoot you gangland style. Sony seeked revenge for MiniDisc and BetaMax, and you succeeded, but at what cost? HD, you had gusto, you lived the dream, you will now reside in the attic with all the other obsolete gadgets.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

The Faux Five



Every once in a while you have to make a blog post out of spite, and today is one of those days. Pam always says I don't document anything when we hang out, so chew on this Pam. I also want to give a plug to the Yesterday and Today, which is the Beatles cover band Pam, Jen, and I saw last night over at the Woodhaven House. Check them out at yesterdayandtodayband.com. It was a fun night all and all. The Woodhaven House had Glendale, Ozone Park, and a bit of Staten Island all compressed into one bar. I was going blind off the reflection of all the bald italian men. Then again Jen didn't mind, because she had many of them trying to dance with her. She is really a hit with the 40-60 crowd. The music was pretty good, though I must admit that I don't care for the Beatles early catalog. I think in general the Beatles get too much hype, as though they couldn't do wrong. To me if their early songs were done by Bobby Darren or some other commercial crooner of the time it wouldn't have made a difference to me. It was just white boy bubble gum pop, with no soul in it. Around the third set they played the songs that to me make the Beatles the band they are remembered as. The later songs like "While my Guitar Gently Weeps" and "Revolution" that had real soul to them. They also had one of the original Temptations come on state and sing "Mustang Sally" which is just a blues classic. Songs like that live and breathe, and when sung by people who have sung those songs for 50 years plus just came alive and become a living monument to American music.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Office antics


Well I made a Staples run last week to pick up supplies for the office. How lame it is to be walking through the aisles searching for ink cartridges and such during the middle of a day. It was then that I discovered my new favorite gadget, the Staples Easy Button©. The soothing tones of the announcer saying that was easy just stole $5 out of my pocket. This circular shaped gadget of joy has kept me well entertained ever since. There is now no need for biting sarcasm or dry humor, when I am just one punch of the red button away from bringing joy to many. It is all a matter of timing, and to use the device sparingly, and I have become a master of that nuance. In a way it is like a musical instrument, like a small chime that sounds good in the background.

Though this instrument of delight brings me loads of entertainment, there is a part of me that is never quite satisfied. This is when Mike in the office came across this jewel of wisdom  http://www.impulsedesign.com/easy_button.pdf. Yes an evil button folks, now we are talking. We have decided to get a plank of wood, paint John Jay College Engineering Department on it, and do this project during work hours. We have even informed our supervisor that if you see us with a blow torch, a dremel, and a sledgehammer, to not be shocked and just look the other way. We have considered many options in what to make the thing say. We have thought of creating a life sized poster of Matthew Lesko, and have it say FREE MONEY! We have also considered other options such as Look Ma No Pants and many others.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Apple Fanboism collapsing upon itself

Yes ladies and gentleman that is a picture of a Macbook Air taken on an iPhone and then posted from said Macbook Air. The dimensions of Apple fanboism have imploded and you may all jump on a life boat and make a run for it. While I am destroying the universe I might as well comment about the much ballyhoed ultra thin/ultra light notebook. Being a Macbook owner, I am right at home on this thing. It really feels as though my Macbook became anorexic and grew an aluminum shell. You can literally pinch the top and bottom together. All the edges are rounded off, so if you want to slice yourself open after purchasing an $1,800 laptop for its looks, you really cant. The screen is LED backlit and is slightly brighter and saturated in colors. The screen itself does not bend back on its hinge like the macbook does. All and all I do not see the niche for this unless you are a traveler. I think a 12" Macbook Pro with full sized express port and discreet graphics in this price range would be more attractive to the average Mac fan. There are several display units around, and people are gathered around them. The performance is on par with a Macbook for average tasks. I will stick to my Macbook. For $700 less, I get the same machine with a few extra pounds.

While I was here I was able to pickup the V-Moda headphones I wanted. Amazon was taking forever to ship them so I bought them within 5 minutes. I am looking forward to trying them out with my iPhone. I also made a reservation to talk to a "genius" about the bubbling on the screen of my iPhone. It is quite minor but I wanted them to take a look at it just in case. I guess I am just being anal.

Now a comment about Apple fanboism. I plead guilty to the charges. People tend to approach me and say hey you are an Apple person, and I guess I am. Some people I guess are more elitist about it than others. Two years ago I bought a Mini and now i have a whole slew of Apple products. The products are good, the price is not as high as it is may out to be, and the service is actually quite good. These things are just tools after all, and also it is fun to make fun of Steve Balmer going on rants and throwing chairs like he is Bobby Knight. The vortex of screens that we now look at each day is becoming tough to handle. I personally look at a computer screen, a phone screen, and a TV screen. I think as a people we now interface with glass more so than we do with real flesh and protein. Give me something shiny with some glass on it and I am there baby. Let it have a touchscreen, let me have shiny icons and I will salivate all over it. All this glass makes your brain go to mush as you contemplate whether you posted first, or whether it plays doom, or blends. I guess I read Gizmodo too much.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

The buzz of social noise

I was in a coffee shop with Jen tonight, talking about the matters of the day. I told her that I was almost motivated enough to start a real blog. She told me in the most eloquently way possible "do it!" In the words of the "Dead Poet's Society", I now say gather ye rosebuds while ye may... carpe diem. With the precision of those words I offer an introduction. A blog that can be described as a rambling pile of excrement, a bloggers blog, the type of blog that makes you feel like you have just been punched in the gut.

I welcome myself to the "blogosphere" with little fanfare, because I deny the existence of this so called community. It reminds me of the inevitable candidate for public advocate in any number of cities who runs on the platform of "once I will take office, I will destroy it". Hence I take on the same position, and thus will condemn the very thing I am doing. Yes this is hypocritical, but I will later discuss politics, so this will become an important construct to understand. Ah the blogosphere filled with the social noise of today, and I am just another contributor with little to say and much to replicate. With the saturation of media, we have come to the point where the content is readily available, and we are just looking for another voice to repeat what we all know. Hence the blogosphere is a sea of "mash ups", "aggregators", and other buzz words. We have come to the point where this so much crap that it must be synthesized into some incremental dosages.

So on that note you will have to anticipate what might appear on this page, or what might not. Will I let the page live, or will I crush it like grape? Will there be cutting analysis or mere replication? Ehh I don't know yet, so you will have to think about it.