Tuesday, December 9, 2008

An economic stimulus package

Banana Boy Productions has been on quite a long hiatus as you may or may have not noticed. At the moment we are working with our creditors to make our flow more liquid, and keeping our books balanced. We have been forced to lay off several employees, and kill many others for the life insurance policies. We relocated to an undisclosed location in the southeastern part of the country, to avoid some of our less than satisfied investors. We have now returned, just in time to save the economy from turning into an even bigger shit storm than it already is. It is bad times ladies and gentlemen. Strippers having to refinance their tits, school bullies not understanding the idea of inflation, asking why they need to either beat up two american children or one european child to break even, it is madness.

I have come up with a solution to at least one segment of the economy: sports. My planned reorganization of all major sporting sanctioning bodies is rather quite simple, turn them all into forced child labor camps. We already get our clothes and electronics from children of the third world, might as well get our sporting entertainment from them. It is astonishing that in a down economy, baseball players are still making the 8 figures a year. This is only encouraged by the average Joe asshole who pays $50 for a ticket to see said overpaid ball player, at the stadium that Joe Asshole paid for in tax dollars. The solution is simple, pay 11 year asian children $10 a week to play baseball, cut ticket prices by 90%, and you still have yourself a profitable business. Considering that the average baseball fan is drunk by the 6st inning, he won't know the difference, and might find joy from yelling obscenities at little asian children.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

History for Dummies soon to hit the shelves

The market experts at Banana Boy Books (which has the slogan of "we be illiterate but we knows our alliteration") have found a new demographic to sell to. The market is known as the tabula rasa witless Neocon Republicans who enjoy red meat like a wolverine in heat. Our market research was conducted by viewing the behavior of low rent talk show radio host Kevin James. Mr. James was the unfortunate guest of Chris Matthews this evening, and this was the result http://thinkprogress.org/2008/05/15/kevin-james-appeaser/. Displays such as these don't need to happen folks. Poor Mr. James looked foolish, screaming on top of his lungs, turning red in the face, and not knowing the difference between diplomacy and appeasement.

As a result of the many syndicated conservative radio talkers who are out there, and their many "fans" who have a blood lust to just blow up anything they don't understand, we at Banana Boy Books have decided to partner with the Dummies© brand to release History for Dummies books geared towards simple minded Neocons. These books will have pop out pictures and an audio version for those like Bill O'Reilly that cannot read words off a teleprompter let alone read a book. These books will teach valuable lessons in such words such as nuance, diplomacy, graft, double talk, and other concepts that this group of people have not been able to comprehend for several years. In light of Mr. James's soon to be explosive youtube celebrity appeal, I will send him an advance copy, so he can hopefully write a forward.

Monday, April 21, 2008

An Update from the Top Banana

Here at Banana Boy Productions, we have been hard at work trying to zap you some of the best up and coming IPTV, non DRM'ed, uncompressed, most superduper content possible. We have assembled a writing team like none other. They all have previous experience writing sitcoms on the networks, and all those great Hollywood movies that you all love. Of course they are non union workers, and telecommute from Vancouver, because I am looking out for the bottom line here folks. Now for a never before seen look inside the offices of Banana Boy Productions, and a look at what our head writer named Jib Jib does every day.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

China: The official Olympic sponsor of torture and murder

Speaking as Top Banana of Banana Boy Productions, I regret to inform you that we will not be a presenting sponsor for the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing. We have withdrawn our bid to have our name embossed on cheap lead paint based children toys, cheap fireworks, and on the foreheads of cheap Chinese slave labor. Our original plan was to have a banana logo put on the foreheads of thousands of 8 year olds who make our computer components and assorted other goods. This would not bring us any kind brand exposure, but it would sure look cool. The reason we have pulled out support is because we have found out that to our surprise, the Chinese government is made up of a bunch of thugs. Yes it is a surprise, considering how much our government is in love with them. I am starting to think that the US government is simply borrowing money from their neighbor that they don't trust, only because this neighbor is the only one offering. They may have a torture dungeon in their basement, but as long as they help us with our mortgage payment they are good neighbors. Well I am calling bullshit on this whole sorted mess.

The peaceful demonstrations by the sovereign people of Tibet are proof that the Chinese government is nothing more than a murderous regime, and should not be supported in any way. They may have a thriving capitalist economy, and all the signs that they are becoming "western", but their control of the media and their people is disgusting. I strongly suggest that everyone support the free tibet movement. I also have a suggestion to all the American Olympic competitors: when you win your gold medal, get on the podium and give us a sign that you support freeing Tibet as well.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

From the office of Banana and Associates

Good evening and welcome to a more button down and serious look at Banana Boy Productions. In light of recent financial developments in the fiscal world, I want to assure all stockholders in Banana Boy Productions, that we will not need a bailout from the federal government. You see folks Conservatives believe in a free market. This is why we need tort reform, stricter bankruptcy policies for individuals, and a need to let prime rate mortgage holders twist in the wind as they move into the 21st century versions of Hooverville's. Of course the free market does not apply to airlines or Bear Stearns, or anybody else who needs a little bit of government love. Now of course airline pilots and crew had to give back their pensions, and a whole bunch of Bear Stearn employees got the shaft, but don't worry top executives made sure to keep their comfortable salaries.

The moral of the story is that the government plays favorites. If you did not know that, well shame on you. Always be suspicious of the government when they are giving away free money. Last time they gave average people a $300 rebate, they gave the richest 1% a huge tax break. You can only think what other kind of borderline criminal activities the Bush administration is up to when they are trying to cover it up with a $600 check. What does it matter anyway, the currency itself will soon be worthless anyway. When Mexicans begin jumping the border to do cheap shopping, you know the end is nigh.

Friday, March 14, 2008

This is me!

The caption to this picture reads: L to R: Patrick, Me, Ben, Agata, Random -. This confirms what I have always known, that I am the combination of a black man and a drunken polish school girl.

Screwing around at work

Well when I am not the CEO of Banana Boy Productions, turning ideas into paradigms, then shifting that paradigm and turning them into innovations, I have a day job. Now I do work, sometimes even good work... but I must say I do tend to cause a bit of trouble. Mike or Hawkeye as I call him, antagonizes this type of havoc. Mikey Pine is the Dean of Engineering department and Culinary school that we have in the office, by making evil buttons and breaking things with a potato launcher.

This week I have been documenting this trouble making with pictures, as you see above. I get a kick out of sending these to Jen during the day and showing off how I can waste a full day just causing trouble. Wednesday was a little bit emotional since it was a going away party for our glorious leader Dr. Q. We all gave testimonials about how great she is, and I just had to let her know that I give her tremendous credit for not firing me in the past year that I have worked for her. I gave her credit for putting up with my shenanigans, which she so deserves.She gave us the present of word magnets, which Mike and I immediately exploited by putting up some great sentences as shown above. We then started printing out funny pictures and getting funny looks from people.

Also you can see a picture of our apple tree of staff. You have me as the cowboy, Chris as the skier, and Mike will soon have one as an outlaw biker, which will make us... the village people. It is hard to describe how much laughter flows through the office every day. It is truly a miracle that we get any work done